Diplomatic Dispatches
A Diplomat's Guide to (Ethical) Power & Influence
I’ve been thinking long and hard about this newsletter. Some of you might feel uncomfortable with the topic - and I get it.
But here’s the reality: if you want to create meaningful change in your career, organisation, or community, you need power and influence to do it.
Every form of positive transformation requires disrupting the status quo. If change was going to happen organically, it would have happened already.
Power and influence aren’t dirty words. They’re a set of behaviours and skills. You can learn them and adapt them to fit your values.
You’re not changing who you are. You’re changing what you do.
One of my last roles after a decade overseas was in an internal FCDO strategic consultancy. We were parachuted into intractable problems: Brexit implementation, modern slavery - the issues where every government department had a stake, lots of experts with strong opinions, and no consensus on the way forward.
On paper, we had enormous power. We were blessed by the most senior official in the building.
But after our first meeting with a new client team when someone muttered “Who invited them?” it dawned on me: that formal authority guaranteed very little. Real influence was somewhere else entirely.
What they don't teach you
We assume influence flows from sharp arguments and commanding presence. That power sits neatly in titles and corner offices.
It sounds logical: polish your case, project confidence, win the room.
But here’s the contradiction: arguments rarely change minds. Titles don’t guarantee followership. The quiet assistant controlling the boss’s diary often has more leverage than the boss themselves.
Real power is quieter, messier - and far more human.
Our solution
What we figured out was that the game wasn’t about winning the room. It was about:
- Mapping who actually mattered.
- Proximity (literally sitting alongside them).
- Listening more than talking.
- And yes, offering the occasional strategic compliment.
These simple practices are what actually moves and enrolls people in the change you want to see.
I've since shaped these principles into a framework I now use with clients who want more impact and influence:
- Map the Real Power. Forget the org chart. Who controls access and the flow of information? Who is closest to the leader - both physically and in terms of trust? Influence often hides in supporting roles.
- Build Proximity. Be everywhere. Turn up at staff meetings. Sit near decision-makers. Human nature is simple: the more we see someone, the more we trust them.
- Attune to Perspectives. Step into their shoes. What pressures, ambitions, or fears shape their choices? What added value can you bring to them. Influence grows when you solve the problems that matter most to them.
- Listen and Flatter. This was where I personally had the most discomfort. But to paraphrase Maya Anjelou people like and trust those who make them feel good. Combine genuine listening with well-placed praise, and you build allies.
- Break the Right Rules. If a rule blocks progress and no one can explain why it exists, don’t wait for permission. Move first but always in service of the outcome, not yourself.
Why This Matters Now
In today’s world of hybrid teams and instant transparency, the old markers of authority don’t hold.
AI democratises information but influence still requires reading the room, building networks, and enrolling others in change.
This isn’t manipulation. It’s survival in a world where good intentions alone won’t shift entrenched systems.
Modern influence is a balancing act: too much empathy and you’re ignored; too much power and you’re resented.
The Paradox That Guides Me
Persuasion without power is wishful thinking. Power without persuasion is brute force.
The leaders who create real change combine both: the clarity to persuade and the steel to act.
Real influence belongs to those who can listen and disrupt, empathise and break rules all in service of something larger than themselves.
So here’s my question: if you redrew your power map today, who would surprise you by sitting at the centre?
PS: I really love to hear how these thoughts and insights are landing with you. Too long? Too short? More or less pictures? Email and let me know.
PPS: latest podcase episode with one of my most favourite (non family member) people is online now (wherever you get your podcasts). Please like, subscribe, review and follow - it genuinely makes a difference to getting the word out.
